Missed Part I? Make sure to check it out here before you continue.
“What are your plans after graduation?” At this point in my life, this is the inevitable question posed by classmates and relatives alike. Despite the internal cringe each time the words are spoken, I have mastered the smile and shrug that accompanies a response of “Who knows?”
Upon receiving my diploma, I will be expected to unfurl my wings and fly away like an eastern black swallowtail (Papilio Polyxenes). Up until now, I’ve been tucked away as a chrysalis, slowly developing, learning, and growing. I am told that soon my transformation will be complete, that it is time to test the wind. And yet, all I want to do is climb back into the protective shelter of my chrysalis.
I have spent so much time molding and adapting to my surroundings, being what is needed in the moment, that I am unsure of who I really am. Give me quadrat and I will conduct research. Give me a megaphone and I will organize a rally. Give me a pen and I will write news stories. But what am I without the context? Once again, my response is “Who knows?”
I am envious of the black swallowtail’s ability to metamorphose, to undergo a complete transformation into a resulting form that is wholly different from how it began. As a chrysalis, most of the caterpillar body breaks down into imaginal cells, which are undifferentiated and can change to fit the function needed. These cells then reconstruct themselves into the butterfly, with only a few body parts from the original form remaining unchanged.
My time spent in my chrysalis was too short, and I am tempted to bury myself back in – hoping that with enough contemplating, reflecting, and imagining I will be able to emerge with a distinct purpose and a new form prepared to fly.
I am inspired by the alluring black swallowtail’s ability to radiate positivity and beautiful energy wherever it goes, from suburban backyards to open meadows. Their delicate wings are like an artist’s color palette – a sleek black coat decorated with two rows of yellow spots and a row of blue dabbled in between. The yellow spots are more prominent on the males while the blue ones are more prominent on females. A bright red spot with a black center adorns each hind wing. Because they are a food source for other species and are sensitive to habitat changes, the presence of butterflies is a good indicator of a healthy and vibrant natural community. Even for humans, a mere glimpse of a black swallowtail often sparks pleasure and joy.
Like the black swallowtail butterfly, I hope my movement and interaction with the world will support prosperity and a lasting legacy. In adult form, these butterflies only live about two weeks. With such a short amount of time, they must act selflessly. Black swallowtails are important pollinators for their ecosystems. In Wisconsin they sip up nectar from a variety of beautiful flowers, including milkweed, purple coneflower, zinnias, and butterfly weed. In their excursions, they collect and distribute pollen that gathers on their feet and legs. By nourishing themselves, they are also promoting the existence of the plants that feed them. In her lifetime, the female black swallowtail lays between 200 and 400 eggs. She ensures that a new generation will be born and her species will live on. These behaviors may simply be an animalistic drive for survival, but there is something heartening in the practice as well. As humans, we seem to have forgotten that we are also animals existing within an ecosystem. By returning to our own animal instincts, we can encourage unity within our species as well as with our environment and with other non-humans. We too can leave lasting impacts that support future generations. It’s impossible to divide the life cycle of a human up into easily distinguishable phases. We are messy creatures, sometimes running forward only to double back and try again. Many of us are presented with a single narrative to follow: do well in school, go to college, graduate, and find your dream career before settling down with a family. I know some people my age who are right on track and have already landed their first salaried job out of college. I know others who are proposing marriage and some who are expecting a child. Some people are moving back home to live with their parents. And others are like me, with a blank canvas and no idea what future I am going to paint. Do any of these paths make us any less human? Of course not.
I have learned how to be resilient, grounded, and selfless like the black swallowtail, and now I must use these skills to forge my own path, not as a butterfly but as a perfectly imperfect human being.